i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
