i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
