I heard we made out
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
