I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
