my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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