I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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