Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
