i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
