Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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