I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Randomize
