You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
