I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
