I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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