If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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