my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
