I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
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I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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