Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
