i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
