my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
