just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
