Yo dont text me then not text me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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