Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
