They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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