I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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