I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You are the jesus of drinking
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
