my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
