yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
