Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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