remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
why is half of my head shaved?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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