No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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