Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
