What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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