you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
