She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
