I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
