Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
is wine microwaveable?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
