I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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