i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
