I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just want to make out with him forever
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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