How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
