go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
