You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
