I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
