I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
