we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
