non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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