Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
