the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
