I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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