WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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