My hand turned me down
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
zippers are such a cool invention
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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