I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
