I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I need water and some morals
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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