Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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