I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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