If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
