Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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