I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dear god my vagina.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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