Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
