I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Everything about him screamed your future.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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