he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Actions speak louder than pants.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
